christian living, faith walk, God first, grace, impatience, life experience, parenting, relationships, resilience
In my teens I thought thirty somethings were over-the-hill, ancient people. Then when I turned 30, it felt like a light clicked on and I understood life better. After all, I was the oldest I had ever been.
My husband and I carried this phrase into parenting. We used to say, often with a knowing chuckle, “they are the oldest they have ever been.” The reason for the phrase was to recall our own growth journey and in turn find grace for our children.
At two, our toddler son felt like the king of the world with all his new abilities. Often saying, “I do it myself!” The confidence with each stage of development continued – single digit to tween, we’d say, “He’s the oldest he’s ever been.” When he was 18, was a senior in high school AND living at home, unique challenges and lively discussions abounded about house rules, freedom of choice and personal responsibility.
That son is now respectably closer to forty than eighteen. He’s more mature and thankfully, so am I.
I saw my forties as a great awakening of sorts. I dug deep into who I was – a child of God and my parents, baby sister to 4 siblings, but also a wife for 20 years, mom to three who was seeing life through her own longer lived experience.
The grace part became beautifully and deeply real. I needed to give grace like I had already received it.
Aging is an ebb and flow of living and learning. Wherever the Lord has you on the “you are as old as you’ve ever been” continuum, look in the mirror and accept that there is grace enough for you at every age. Then, freely give others lots of grace for their aging experience.
We are all the oldest we have ever been!
“… he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…” Ephesisans 2:7-8
“…to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight…” Ephesians 1:6-8
christian living, faith walk, friendship, life experience, parenting, perseverance
Once upon a time there was a mom with three young kids who didn’t know how to ask for help. Even when her legs and joints stopped working, as the pain of Valley Fever attacked her body, she put on the “I’m okay” mask and tried to carry on with life.
However, in this chapter, “carrying on” was hard because her body wasn’t cooperating. It needed time to heal and healing meant she needed to rest. And ask for help.
Rest and Help were both foreign words to this energizer bunny, mom. Thankfully, those who knew her, also knew she needed help, whether she asked, admitted or not.
- Laundry. Meals. Picking up kids. Taking them on school trips. Band practice. More meals. Dance. School. More laundry. Weeks turning into months.
All such gracious gifts. Gifts she was humbled to receive. Gifts that would be hard to repay.
As the next chapters were written, the mom had wise women in her life who would remind her that the gifts “could” be repaid, as occasion permitted, but they were offered without strings. The mom was humbled and challenged to accept them as such.
The Greatest Gift we can ever receive is also offered without strings.
Chapter upon chapter, the mom was learning more about grace and gifts – deserved and undeserved.
christian living, faith walk, life experience, parenting, Prayer, relationships, resilience
Seasons change. Suitcases packed, sitting by the door, and ready for the car. Intimidating thoughts creep into my mind as the last bag gets zipped shut: “What am I forgetting?” “Have I taught her enough?” Much less “When will we see each other again?” The frantic double checking of pre-departure. Exhilaration and emotional fragility mingled together. This wasn’t an unfamiliar scenario for us. Our older two kids had already departed, attended college and graduated into their next seasons.
Fall’s cooler nights were right around the corner. The cycle of shorter days and pre-dormancy leaf drop. All reminders of how I felt saying farewell to my youngest daughter. Her joy had been a constant brightness to my days. I struggled to imagine my house in a quiet, dormant state.
Preparing a child for life out in the big world is what we, as parents, do – often without realizing it- in every season of their life. However, it gets masked by schedules, activities and so much “right now” that the tomorrows of adulthood seem far away. Somehow, as my kids arrived at the midpoint of their high school years, the reality of the “next” season hit me. Questions flying through my mind: “Can they do laundry or grocery shop?” “Will they be good with their money?” Like cramming for a test last minute, these questions only brought anxiety, as there was little time left to implement extra training.
It’s a subtle tactic of the enemy to get us distracted from a sacred moment of blessing our kids into their future. I was stuck dwelling on what I might have missed in the past. If the enemy has me worrying about something behind me, how attentive am I to what is right in front of me?
Sending my first two children off to the independence of college life was hard, but different from this youngest child, who chose a school not just out of state, but across the country. Her choice was good, and we were excited for her. However, there would be no hopping in the car to attend a concert or school activity. This farewell was not a “See you in a couple of weeks” scenario. We packed for a short drive to the airport but a long separation after takeoff.
There was a finality to this departure. I remember our house feeling void of conversation and laughter. Meals for two instead of the 3 plus that came with her friend circle. No sounds of life from her bedroom. No extra shoes by the front door. Just an unusual silence. We were entering an unknown season. A season she had been expecting, and I was equally dreading.
Winter’s drop in temperature was no match for my cold emotions as I realized how unprepared I felt for this time and how to fill it. The question of what I would do with my newfound “free” time hadn’t had a moment to marinate in my mind. I was preoccupied with the here and now. I had given no thought to the rebirthing of my long dormant visions of writing. But seasons change whether or not we are ready.
The Old Testament (Genesis 37, 39-46) tells of a boy with a glorious coat of marvelous colors who received visions from God that seemed oddly out of place for his age. Jealous brothers stopped the boy’s fantastical dreaming by dropping him in a pit. From pit, to prison, to palace, God’s vision given to Joseph was unfolding in ways he never envisioned for himself.
An avid scrapbook mom when all my kids were home, I spent precious hours documenting their life in pictures. It had been a great joy for me. As the graduation for our youngest neared, the calendar reminded me there was much on my scrapbooking to do list that might not get done. Life had moved so quickly that I wasn’t keeping up with my expectation of completed memory books. After she left for college, I thought the urge to complete the books would return, but it faded. I couldn’t make myself work on the project I had so passionately enjoyed before. I was grieving and lost all desire to relive the memories or creatively preserve them. Eventually, a sheet was used to cover my work area. Out of sight, out of mind, but still heavy on my heart.
Winter was a struggle for me. Loneliness and sad days. Lots of tears. Loving long naps more than connecting with others. I wasn’t prepared for the depth of loss I felt, no longer being the mom who interacted with her kids every day. Like Joseph, I wasn’t prepared for this next season.
As spring flowers began their bold arrival in my yard, so too was a new hope growing in my heart. I tried to trust God’s infinite wisdom even when I couldn’t see what was ahead. Life transitions naturally come with questions about the future and all the unknowns. I hoped the Lord would share a future page with me. Just a brief glimpse. Instead, He called me to wait, just as I waited for His created seasons to reveal themselves in my yard.
Summer arrived like the rush of warmth when the oven door opens, wafting out the fragrance of fresh baked bread. Sustenance from the Bread of Life. Longer days and perhaps a clearer vision of what this new season might hold for me. Words long dormant resurfaced in my heart and on paper. While empty scrapbook pages still rested untouched, my written thoughts had found their way – by God’s design alone – into an encouragement for others. His vision for my writing, born in a season of young children and with no time to develop it, found its summer of growth as only God could have orchestrated. But I had to live the yesterday’s and today’s to get to the tomorrow of the Lord’s design.
Joseph had no way of knowing what the Lord would engineer out of his vision to pit to prison to palace life. But God had promised that one day Israel would produce a Savior. Joseph was in that lineage, a vision orchestrated by Almighty God, to provide us all with our Messiah and Redeemer.
- Is there a vision planted in your heart that is waiting to be birthed into reality?
- Are you trusting that the Lord is more than able to bring it about in His time?
- Can you be grateful amid a season that feels like winter’s dark days?
- Can you believe that the God of creation is still writing your story?
I am grateful for the winter. I can trust there are more words, more pages, completed chapters – all to come. In the slower seasons of apparent dormancy, the Lord has not abandoned us, but like the seeds that sprout in season, like Joseph in the pit, prison or palace, we are being formed into His likeness and at a time of His choosing – life will spring forth. Hope renewed and He will restore our joy.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 “…to everything there is a season…”
Article first posted as a guest blog for Michele Wilbert. Thank you Michele!
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faith walk, forgotten, parenting, perseverance, relationships, resilience
Celebrated days are messy middle days–joy for one, heartache for another.
Looking for the right words to express both-and.
Deep love and appreciation. Humbled by grace and hardened by grief.
Mixed Feelings. Raw emotions.
Loss. Longing. Joy and thanksgiving.
Empty in one relationship. Full in another.
A scale that isn’t balanced.
Expectations. Emotions. Decisions. High mountains. Low valleys.
Mom, daughter, sister, auntie, step-daughter, daughter-in-law, grandma, and the generations go.
Not all celebrated relationships are direct relations.
Embrace what you can.
Sometimes, in the anguish of reality, a brightness warms the night.
Be a light. Walk in the light, it brings hope to darkness.
An experience or individual that shapes us, love of another–
a mother: by choice, by circumstance, or by heart.
From a distance, in your dreams and wishes, in reality and in loss.
Whatever place your mind dwells, on this day of celebrating motherhood,
may you find peace in the imperfection of this life. Joy on your journey,
And grace for the hard, the healing and the hopeful.
faith walk, parenting, perseverance, Prayer, resilience
Giggles and grins to melt your heart, as she spins on the merry-go-round “one more time”. Then over to the bars to show her muscular arms and just once on the swing. Please Gaga?
Amazed at the energy level it takes to keep track of a little one. Grand parenting is a blast and I’m so thankful for it, but wow oh wow–I have renewed giant respect for all the parents out there doing the hard work on the daily. 24/7/365. I’m sure some days feel like they drag on for weeks.
I am praying for you in this season.
Whether you are juggling work schedules, flying solo, co-parenting, dealing with an ex, managing health concerns, fostering a child or children, stepping in to help a friend or family member with parenting, the daily routine must feel endless. I know you love the parenting role, but some days, “being” a parent is just flat out exhausting. Please know, in my book, you all are Super Heroes. Ripped capes, shredded super-suits, the whole messy thing. I applaud you and want to publicly sing your praises. You are the unsung heroes of our society. You are raising the next generation of artists, writers, teachers, biologist, musicians, doctors and engineers. You meet unspoken needs, clothe, bathe, feed, cry with and over your dear littles. (whatever their age, they fall into this category if you are a mom) You set the tone for moods in your home by your responses. You speak love by your actions. You teach by example.
I am praying for you in this season.
You wear so many hats: juggler, educator, EMT, taxi driver, tantrum calmer, booboo kisser, skill set developer, mentor, dream builder, financial advisor, chaperone, host with the most, make-it-happen project helper, number one fan and cheerleader. The list goes on. With all the hats comes the joy of seeing your child grow in their choices, achievements and, must I say, failures. The learning curve on life is sharp. Unexpected curves abound and you just keep plugging away, showing up, cheering them on, loving, directing and doing what needs to be done.
I am praying for you in this season.
May you know your value and worth as a parent.
May you feel sustained on your toughest days.
May you have the courage to reach out when you need help, even a nap.
May you speak life over your children and yourself.
May you guard your heart and mind from lies that bombard you.
May you find your source of strength when the days weaken you to the core.
May your heart find a home where you feel safe and comforted.
May you know the moments are long, but the years are short.
May you keep a long haul, end game perspective where your child is concerned.
May you yourself be the biggest cheerleader and encourager your child knows.
May you offer hospitality to your kids’ friends. An open home is a like a warm hug.
May you listen and observe often. Kids speak without words.
May you know how much you matter to your kids.
May you know you encourage other parents when you share from the heart.
May you know kids seek their parent’s approval always.
May you know you are not alone on this journey.
May you know you can reach out for help, resources, encouragement and prayer.
May the God who created you, your child, your family, be your source of strength, the anchor for your soul, and the confidence you need to press on.
I am praying for you in this season.
Thank you for doing the hero dance daily–regardless of the condition of your cape or super suit!
christian living, faith walk, God first, parenting, Prayer, relationships, spirituality
I love this question. This says you want to live a life focused on things that matter to God. That is an outstanding goal. When I was a young mom, I thought doing life would come more naturally, or at least easier. Go ahead, laugh with me or at me. As you’ve already guessed, it’s harder than it looks. We all have people in our life that come to mind as the ones who “have it all together”? I can visualize a few immediately. Life seems to fall in place for them. I can also tell you that on closer inspection and a few candid conversations, the ones who “look like they have it all together” don’t. Not a slam, just a reality check. Few are as put together as their appearance suggests. Nothing in life is effortless. Let that encourage you to keep God tenaciously at the center of your life, no matter how it looks to others. Here are some suggested how-to’s from my experience:
Pray. Praying is talking to God. Good communication is foundational to any relationship and needed for successful spiritual growth. Whether you are just getting acquainted with him or you have known him for years, he wants to hear what is on your heart. Praying intimidates some people because they think there is a formula they need to follow, or certain words to use. The most important words are the ones that come from deep inside you. It doesn’t matter how they come out. Maybe you’ve heard people start their prayers with: “Dear Lord”, “O God” or “Heavenly Father”. Whether you prefer to say any of these does not matter so much as just starting the conversation. This can take place inside your head. It does not have to be audible, but saying things out loud helps keep me from distraction. I encourage you to pray out loud when you can. Even write out what is on your heart: what burdens or concerns you. These all count as prayers—conversations with God, telling him what you think about, worry about, want to do differently, and most important how you want to know him better.
Read the Bible. One of the best ways to know God is to spend time in his Word. This is easier now than ever before. Our schedules might be crazier, but the resources available to us are vast. Bible apps exist that will read scripture to you when you can’t. We are really without excuse for knowing more about God. This is not a guilt trip, but a fact. We have incredible technology available: we can google anything, we can play music in any style we choose, books read aloud by the author, YouTube videos, podcasts, social media and websites all share information. The greatest challenge is in choosing knowledge over entertainment. There are times I’d much rather binge watch/listen to a favorite author for entertainment, not my own spiritual enrichment. Part of the challenge is in what I choose to let in. My choices are endless, so how do I choose the best? The answer to that will differ for each of us, but it’s a good question to ponder.
Listen. How does one listen to the God of the universe? In my very animated brain, I quickly picture a cartoon of a loud booming voice rolling out of the thunderous clouds and me trying to stay upright in the wake of that powerful voice. It is mighty for sure, and God is the Almighty. He can blast truth to us, but does he? More likely his is a still, small voice that requires me to get still and quiet to hear. Getting quiet in today’s techno culture isn’t always easy. All things online and more social media videos than one can watch in a lifetime, not to mention spouses, children, co-workers, bosses, customers, teachers all calling for our listening ears. All relationships require us to be active listeners. This means I’m not thinking of what to say next as the other’s words spill out, but I am focused on their words alone. Ouch. Just writing out that defining phrase causes me guilt. I can so easily get focused on what I think I should say next that I stop listening. It is a skill that needs constant practice to develop. Our relationship with God isn’t just us asking him for wisdom, knowledge and peace but also listening for truth, conviction and encouragement. Listen. He speaks through his Word, the Bible, he speaks to us when we take the time to stay quiet before him. It’s hard to listen when we are impatient or in a hurry. Listening is a worthwhile practice. One I continually need to improve.
Build One Another Up. If I have someone who has agreed to check in on me, I’m more likely to stick to a goal. Accountability isn’t about inducing guilt, but motivating me to work on my goals and growth markers. Whether I’m getting my physical self in better shape or tuning up my mental/spiritual growth, having someone alongside to encourage me is a key element to success.
Keeping God in the center of your life gives significant benefits for the effort. When we take the time to pray, read the Bible, listen, and live with accountability, God’s word promises us tangible things like peace, hope, self-control, love, patience, and kindness. It is a joyous journey to get acquainted with the God who created you. He loves you so much. He knows you, sees you and longs to converse with you. May this be the year you lean into him in conversational prayer, meet him in his word, get quiet and listen for his still small voice, while you encourage others to do the same. We grow best when we build one another up.
