christian living, forgotten, life experience, perseverance, relationships, resilience
A family trip, station wagon loaded. Two adults, five kids, a lightning-fast refuel and potty stop. Back in the car there was unexpected elbow room. With 5 kids, elbow room is prime real estate! In the typical mayhem of doors opening, closing, all the skooching and shifting, bodies settling into travel position, one must ask, who is supposed to count heads? It might have been the prequel to the Home Alone movies. This story ended well enough- we went back for my older sister and she gladly took up that extra real estate in the back seat.
Often, we find ourselves left at the gas station wondering how God could be so unaware of our predicament. Forgotten. Unremembered. Set aside. Out of sight, out of mind. Circumstances beyond what we can bear, much less control. The questions fly.
God, why did you… (fill in the blank), Why God, didn’t you (insert thought here) When will you???? How?? What on earth were you thinking God, really? All the questions and all the feels. It takes time for understanding to settle on my heart and in my mind. In some situation’s there is no understanding, only acceptance. Accepting that we might never understand.
Hard stories, survival, observing others overcome difficulty gives one hope. Because they endured, we can too. But none of us sign up to be the poster child for getting left at the gas station, being single, raising a special needs child, having no children to raise, death of a loved one, outliving cancer, divorce, abuse and the list goes on. Life is rarely what we expect, but scripture reveals that God does not forget us, He would not be God if he did. His Holy Word tells us he cannot forget his creation.
Luke 12:6-7 “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
The only hairs I ever counted were grey, and I couldn’t keep up. God counts them all: the grey, the bleached and those that fell out due to stress. He knows and he sees.
Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Do I believe this?
Phil 4:19 “My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Every need. It is easy to confuse needs and wants. I struggle with this one often. God is always teaching me that His ways are higher than mine. He sees and He loves.
Romans 8:38-39 “For I am sure that neither death not life nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Nothing means No thing. No one. Zip, Nada.
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be Strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
He cannot.
Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
You might not see him friend, but he is there. He cannot be otherwise. He sees you – always.
Proverbs 3:5-7 are my life verses. Life-not my verses for a season. These are verses I will cling to until my last breath here on earth. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”
Evil is not just out there — often it is in my heart, my thoughts. Thinking too highly of myself. Thinking that God’s “plan” for me should be easier than it is or has been. I do not know the mind of God, but He knows the mind of man and He calls us to trust him, acknowledge him, fear him–reverently and turn from evil. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
I do not presume to know the depth of every hardship faced in this life, but I can say with certainty that the God who designed and created us in his likeness, knows everything about us–and loves us still. Standing outside the gas station waiting for your family to return might feel like an eternity, but God knows, He sees, and He loves you and me. He promises to never leave us.
That includes gas stations.
John 3:16-17 “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world but to save the world through him.”
life experience, relationships
The late 20s are contemplative years. College, if you attended, is often behind, adulting on the daily is well underway and that next decade, the 30s is looming on the horizon. I was asked what are some things I wish I knew or understood better in my late 20s. Here are my thoughts.
Don’t take things personally. Laugh more, stress less. You can’t control all that you think you can. Don’t wait to go on adventures. Do what you can afford – get outside, hike, walk, climb, camp, swim, star-gaze – live! Be wiser with your money. You can save no matter what you earn. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t carry other people’s guilt trips. Understand manipulation vs persuasion. Pay attention to what’s yours to concern yourself with and what’s not.
Yes, and No are both acceptable answers.
Relationships have seasons and in seasons some things flourish and other things naturally taper off, becoming less active. Some die back completely. I remember spending lots of emotional energy on relationships that had already died back, but for whatever reason I didn’t think letting go was okay, good or even right. Ugh. I hadn’t yet learned to manage my expectations of myself and others.
New relationships are a natural progression of life but I have some significant “evergreens’, those long-standing friendships in my life and I’m thankful for them. I have friendships that could be described as weekly, monthly, quarterly & annually. Not a definition of the depth of connection, just the reality of life, proximity and time together. Not all relationships have the same requirements for tending. I love having friendships that pick up where we left off, no matter the time gap between . What a gift those connections are.
The truth about relationships: it’s not physically possible to maintain every relationship we begin.
The takeaway is not flippancy, but honest evaluation. Relationships can be beautiful forests with old growth and new growth. All of it is full of adventure and encouragement.
christian living, faith walk, Prayer, relationships, spirituality
Friday Golgotha, the hill of the Cross,
Death and Darkness, senseless loss.
Saturday’s grief, none could bear.
Sunday morn came, he was not there.
He had risen, no longer dead,
Empty the tomb, just as He said.
Hallelujah! He’s risen, indeed,
The power of God sets me free.
This gift of grace, loves bond restored,
Proclaim Him now, Savior and Lord.
He knocks, do you hear? Don’t delay
Love so secure, a whisper away.
Rejoice in this hope, He’s on His throne,
All things restored, our Eternal home
Easter meditations. 2021
christian living, faith walk, God first, parenting, Prayer, relationships, spirituality
I love this question. This says you want to live a life focused on things that matter to God. That is an outstanding goal. When I was a young mom, I thought doing life would come more naturally, or at least easier. Go ahead, laugh with me or at me. As you’ve already guessed, it’s harder than it looks. We all have people in our life that come to mind as the ones who “have it all together”? I can visualize a few immediately. Life seems to fall in place for them. I can also tell you that on closer inspection and a few candid conversations, the ones who “look like they have it all together” don’t. Not a slam, just a reality check. Few are as put together as their appearance suggests. Nothing in life is effortless. Let that encourage you to keep God tenaciously at the center of your life, no matter how it looks to others. Here are some suggested how-to’s from my experience:
Pray. Praying is talking to God. Good communication is foundational to any relationship and needed for successful spiritual growth. Whether you are just getting acquainted with him or you have known him for years, he wants to hear what is on your heart. Praying intimidates some people because they think there is a formula they need to follow, or certain words to use. The most important words are the ones that come from deep inside you. It doesn’t matter how they come out. Maybe you’ve heard people start their prayers with: “Dear Lord”, “O God” or “Heavenly Father”. Whether you prefer to say any of these does not matter so much as just starting the conversation. This can take place inside your head. It does not have to be audible, but saying things out loud helps keep me from distraction. I encourage you to pray out loud when you can. Even write out what is on your heart: what burdens or concerns you. These all count as prayers—conversations with God, telling him what you think about, worry about, want to do differently, and most important how you want to know him better.
Read the Bible. One of the best ways to know God is to spend time in his Word. This is easier now than ever before. Our schedules might be crazier, but the resources available to us are vast. Bible apps exist that will read scripture to you when you can’t. We are really without excuse for knowing more about God. This is not a guilt trip, but a fact. We have incredible technology available: we can google anything, we can play music in any style we choose, books read aloud by the author, YouTube videos, podcasts, social media and websites all share information. The greatest challenge is in choosing knowledge over entertainment. There are times I’d much rather binge watch/listen to a favorite author for entertainment, not my own spiritual enrichment. Part of the challenge is in what I choose to let in. My choices are endless, so how do I choose the best? The answer to that will differ for each of us, but it’s a good question to ponder.
Listen. How does one listen to the God of the universe? In my very animated brain, I quickly picture a cartoon of a loud booming voice rolling out of the thunderous clouds and me trying to stay upright in the wake of that powerful voice. It is mighty for sure, and God is the Almighty. He can blast truth to us, but does he? More likely his is a still, small voice that requires me to get still and quiet to hear. Getting quiet in today’s techno culture isn’t always easy. All things online and more social media videos than one can watch in a lifetime, not to mention spouses, children, co-workers, bosses, customers, teachers all calling for our listening ears. All relationships require us to be active listeners. This means I’m not thinking of what to say next as the other’s words spill out, but I am focused on their words alone. Ouch. Just writing out that defining phrase causes me guilt. I can so easily get focused on what I think I should say next that I stop listening. It is a skill that needs constant practice to develop. Our relationship with God isn’t just us asking him for wisdom, knowledge and peace but also listening for truth, conviction and encouragement. Listen. He speaks through his Word, the Bible, he speaks to us when we take the time to stay quiet before him. It’s hard to listen when we are impatient or in a hurry. Listening is a worthwhile practice. One I continually need to improve.
Build One Another Up. If I have someone who has agreed to check in on me, I’m more likely to stick to a goal. Accountability isn’t about inducing guilt, but motivating me to work on my goals and growth markers. Whether I’m getting my physical self in better shape or tuning up my mental/spiritual growth, having someone alongside to encourage me is a key element to success.
Keeping God in the center of your life gives significant benefits for the effort. When we take the time to pray, read the Bible, listen, and live with accountability, God’s word promises us tangible things like peace, hope, self-control, love, patience, and kindness. It is a joyous journey to get acquainted with the God who created you. He loves you so much. He knows you, sees you and longs to converse with you. May this be the year you lean into him in conversational prayer, meet him in his word, get quiet and listen for his still small voice, while you encourage others to do the same. We grow best when we build one another up.
Advent, christian living, relationships, spirituality
“Hear ye, Hear ye! Christmas is coming. Christmas in July sale! Only 150 days left until Christmas. Are you ready for Christmas? Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!” The ads and slogans bombard our senses. Commercials, emails and advertisements. We barely enjoy one holiday and the décor and supplies for the next have overtaken the store displays. Retail establishments are driven by a profitable sense of urgency rather than my preference of wanting to savor a moment.
Four days before Thanksgiving, I went to the store thinking I would pick up a few more paper plates and napkins. Circling the rows of shelves more than once, I realized, to my dismay, that they did not have any thanksgiving items on display, not even on a clearance rack. Instead, they were well into the Christmas spirit with a dash of New Year’s Eve on an end display. Although I understand the economics of display choice (and lack of), it bothered me that even our shopping culture was rushing me through the seasons. So much for savoring a moment. If I were to gauge my thoughtfulness about a holiday based on the retail displays, I would be well ahead of the calendar always. Forever chasing a diminishing display that cannot wait to empty itself of one celebration to usher in the next. I am not obligated to celebrate according to what is displayed, but sometimes I have not even thought of what is next, much less how I might savor it. In an instant coffee, 10 -minute lube, oil & filter, drive through world, I do not get to pause and reflect much. People barely do that at a red light. Savoring does not merge well with the rush of retail. It requires a concerted effort to keep up with the consumer culture bombardment.
Ironically, the advent season is a call to savor. To sit with the anticipation. That cannot be done quick. It is a counter-culture moment. To savor and reflect on Jesus Christ. It is his arrival that we celebrate. So how do we push the pause button on life to reflect on Advent?
Let’s look at the who, when, where, why and how to remember the importance of this time of reflecting and savoring:
Who is Advent for? The answer is: Advent is for everyone and anyone who wishes to celebrate the reason for the Christmas season: Jesus Christ, God in human form, Lamb of God, and the Savior of the world.
When does it happen? We observe advent the four Sundays before Christmas Day.
Where does it happen? Advent is celebrated all over the world in churches and homes. It is observed in individual hearts and minds.
Why do we observe Advent? Psalm 18:30 says, “Gods way is blameless, the word of the Lord is tried, He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.” We observe Advent to contemplate the significance of a blameless God who is a shield and refuge to us.
How do we observe Advent? By reading the Bible, God’s word, to know his character better. We can read, worship, and pray, giving thanks to God for the gift of his son. Traditionally, candles are lit each Sunday of Advent. Each week there is a word that highlights God’s nature. As we light the candle, we read the Bible and focus on God’s character, and thank him for being the God who saves.
Meditate on these weekly words for Advent:
Week 1 Hope We are waiting for the Messiah. He is our hope and expectation. 1 Peter 1:3, Rom. 15:13
Week 2 Peace Our hearts are yearning for Jesus, the Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6, Rom. 5:1
Week 3 Joy True Joy found in Jesus alone. He is our Joy. Luke 2:10, Psalm 16:11, Psalm 51:12
Week 4 Love God is love. He loved us so much that he sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to pay the price for our sin. 1 John 4:9, John 3:16, Titus 3:4-7, Psalm 90:14
Christmas Day the Christ Candle. The perfect, spotless Lamb of God, Jesus Christ, come to earth as a babe, fully God and fully man, to pay the price for the sin that separates us from the Holy God, the Almighty One. Matt. 2:11-12, 2 Peter 3:8-14.
Contemplating Hope. Pausing and reflecting on Christ. He came to save the world from the sin that separates us from a Righteous and Loving, Creator God. His sacrifice is our eternal hope, his second coming the realization of that hope.
Peace is a missing commodity in this world of rushing around. Meditating on the Prince of Peace our hearts yearn for, gives purpose to our pause.
Embracing the Joy found in a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, gives us permission to grieve the hardships and losses in this world, while still anticipating the perfection of eternity with him. Accepting his love. His perfect, limitless love. A love so big that God the Father would send his only Son, to this crazy mixed up world, to live and experience all the emotions of the human existence then to be the perfect sacrifice – the spotless lamb of the Old Testament. He would pay a price we could not pay to give a gift we do not deserve. He died for your sin and mine. He was buried, and He rose again, three days later, according to the scripture. So, we could walk in newness of life, fully loved, fully known, and fully forgiven. Such an indescribable gift.
Then Christmas Day – the celebration of this ultimate gift. The hope and joy of our Salvation. “And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing: everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.” Isaiah 35:10. Advent in our hearts always. Praise be to God.
Pause, Reflect and Savor. This is love, joy, peace, and hope. This is Advent.
christian living, relationships
Panic set in as the reality weighed on me – pressing down, making it hard to breathe. I wanted to find one. Just one. Surely there were more than these few.
I pulled album after album off the shelves. Years old and outdated, clear plastic pages stuck to the gummy substance that held the memories captive. At one time I planned to release them from their outdated bondage with a thread or dental floss. Yet, years later, they remain stuck in place. Frantic, I kept turning the aged pages. Mom and Dad, Mom and her grandkids, Mom in a group, Mom from across the room. With every turn, my heart raced faster, I felt like a piece of my life was missing. For all my years as family historian and documentarian, why couldn’t I find more than a couple images of mom and me together?
Although I could picture family times together, I found no evidence of mom standing next to me, just us two, in a captured moment that I could cherish years later.
My throat tightened, forehead clammed up as my breakfast did jumping jacks in my stomach. Anxiety mounted. Without warning, I slumped to the floor, a handful of freed photos in hand, and cried for what couldn’t be reclaimed. For memories lost. For the inability to turn back the hands of time and have a do-over.
Perhaps it’s ironic that I had my mom physically in my life until she was 86, but her ability to interact and carry conversation had left years before. She slowly, painfully slipped into the fog of dementia that kept her repeating herself until she couldn’t really respond at all. She was there physically, but she was not present. Not in the way a daughter longs for: able to acknowledge my mood change, make me smile with an inside joke, interested and able to ask what was new with me, present to comment on the grandkids’ latest activities, physically able to visit my home and enjoy the space with me. She was present in body, but imprisoned deep in her own mind. While thankful to have her in whatever form the Lord allowed, seeing her trapped by this disease of cognitive bondage made me long for the days of words and thoughts, laughter and tears together.
There were seasons that she used some socially adept and learned phrases that seemed more connected to reality: facial expressions that pulled back the veil and gave a glimpse of the vibrant woman she had been. Her conversational tone that once flowed like a babbling brook. She could bubble over with a quick-witted tale and then easily flow into the shallows where the water calmed, and you could make out all the details in the rocks below the surface. Ebb and flow. Over and under, around and through. Coaxing, cajoling, encouraging and laughing. Oh, her laughter. What a gift and playful sound. Her words soothing and uplifting. Hopeful and happy. Truthful but tame. Prompting and pursuing. Laughter laced with love. She lived hospitality with every word, never knowing a stranger, making all she met comfortable in her presence. Like the refreshing sound of a brook as it winds its way over rocks and sings its joyful tune, Mom was a constant melody in the background of my life. She was a welcome sound and a place of soul rest, a cool drink from the life-giving waters of her own deep well.
This panic continued its attack on my memories as I tried to recall the last time I heard her say my name without prompting — the recognition of her child, not the prompted response brought on by well-intended others wanting me to feel as though she was “there” and “knew” me. It’s a loss that is hard to fathom, a cruel tease by the ability to see her and yet know she wasn’t really seeing me. A shell that used to house the woman I knew to be my mom.
These memories of her were part of the longest goodbye. Years of mourning the loss of her presence in my life and in the life of my children.
I ask myself why didn’t I document more? Do I have her voice recorded anywhere? She disappeared long before technology could have been a tool she could enjoy. I try to imagine getting texts, voicemails or even a “selfie” of her – on a walk, in her garden, talking to the surrounding wildlife, making a point without judging – and challenge my thinking to remember Scripture verses she faithfully shared.
What encouraged me as I sat in the panic and anxiety was to realize that the deep well her life-giving water sprang from was not her well only. I too, have access that same resource. I can plant myself by the Living Water that was my mother’s life source. She drank deeply from the wisdom of God’s Word. What I lack in images and photos, I can reclaim from timeless truth that guided her life and choices.
Mom lived her example. She was a walking, talking testimony to the love, hope and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.
I can’t create pictures that don’t exist, but I do know this: Her heart’s desire was for her children and grandchildren to sit at the River and plant themselves near that life-giving flow. To spill over into the lives of others, the hope filled truth of the One who is the Living Water and a cool oasis in life’s deserts. To pull hope from the well that never runs dry. To dive in and let the channel take us where He directs. To make memories that last for eternity as we pour out the joy within us that flows freely from the heart of God.
It is true the pain of loss runs deep, but I am comforted that the well of the One who is faithful runs deeper than the pain of this life. In this I can rejoice: My mother and I, reunited in the Heavenly realm, will stand together worshiping the Living Water, King of Kings, Giver of Life, God Almighty, Righteous and Eternal One. In that moment I will need neither photo nor memory.
